R ki Shaadi!!!

Last Wednesday my colleague and good friend R got married, I am sure he is at peace right now...we in office have been ribbing and troubling him about his wedding for well over a year now. As Mr. & Mrs. R enjoy their honeymoon, let me narrate the events as to how the "team" managed to make it to the wedding and what transpired there and how we got back and how I got infected with conspiracy theories...I better warn you this is one long post with fine detailing of the events...

2nd December 2008
10:30p.m
N: So we meet tomorrow morning, will pick you up as I am planning to bring my car
Me: That would be great, J is also coming with us as she comes from Borivali, so we can pick her up at Andheri Station and proceed...but are you sure you want to bring the car ??
N: Yeah, I have no problem...

11:30 p.m.
Finally dukan band for the day and A and I leave, the rest of the gang have left at 10.30 p.m.(official time), A & me linger back..being the slow pokes that we are...we are running to catch transport as it leaves in 30 seconds...
A: So, we meet at the wedding tomorrow..
Me: Yep...have to go and unearth the saree that I am planning to wear tomorrow...

12:15 a.m.
Sen Residence
Me with my head buried in the cupboard, Mom hovering in the background...
Mom: Why can't you be a little more organised, you knew about this wedding for over six months now, why this last minute rush to find a saree and blouse...
Me :( triumphantly emerging from the cupboard with saree and blouse) Found it!!!

1:15 a.m.
Sen and Mom in ZZZZland

3rd December 2008
8:54 a.m.
EL calls on cell phone
Me in ZZZland...cellphone on silent...

9:15 a.m.
Mom: Wake up, you have a wedding to attend...
I wake up, was in the middle of a very disturbing dream that one of the journals is not getting uploaded no matter what I did...when the haze clears, I realise that it is only a dream and it is a brand new day with no mistakes...with this happy thought in mind and a song on my lips I check my mobile phone...there is a missed call from EL's sister phone (whenever EL is at home she always calls from her sister phone, she claims it costs less and that her sister does not mind)

9:16 a.m.
Call up EL on her sister's phone...Sister picks up, being the motor mouth that I am, I step into top gear and launch into the programme for the day as soon as I hear a "Hello"...realise later that it is her sister who took the call (in my defence I would like to state that their voices are similar)...I apologies (well-mannered chick I am)...EL comes on line...after calling her the Stingy No.1 etc...etc...ask her why she called?
EL: I think will also tag along with you guys, N is bringing her car right ?
Me: Yeah, she is, lemme check with her, and I will call you with the details
I ring off...

9:17 a.m.
I call N.
Phone rings for a long time... and someone picks up...I am little cautious after the EL fiasco...
Its N's mom.
N's Mom: Hello, N is in the bath, can I take a message for her...
Me: (still preoccupied) NO!!! ( a little too abruptly), then I realise I sounded too rude, I try to make up..."Could you please let her know that I called and ask her to please give me a ring, auntie?? "
I ring off...feeling a little too sheepish...

9:18 a.m.
I call J, am multi-tasking just now with brush in mouth.
Me: (muffled due to the frothy toothpaste in my mouth) Hello
J: Are you brushing your teeth?
Me: yeah, just a min.
J: (choking on giggles) what time are we meeting?
Me: N is bringing her car, so can you meet is somewhere in Andheri -E, we could pick you up on the way at XYZ place.
J: OK, meet you there are 11a.m.
I ring off.

9:45 a.m.
N calls me.
N: Hi...do you know where exactly the venue is??
Me: Nope, no clue, it is in Vile Parle near the station...
N: I am having doubts about bringing the car...we don’t know the venue...
Me: Yeah, let’s can the idea and travel by rickshaw, I will let EL and J know about the change in plan.

Accordingly I let EL and J know of the change in plans, EL decides to come directly to the venue and J to meet us at Andheri Station.

10:00 a.m. - 10:45 a.m.
I get into the saree, after I am finished there are so many pins all over my saree to keep it in place that it would put Elizabeth Hurley's famous SAFETY PIN dress to shame...apply my make up...and just in time as N arrives to collect me...I manage to totter on my 3 inch heels to the rickshaw and start breathing only once I am ensconced safely in the rickshaw.

11:15 a.m.
We arrive at Andheri station...but no sign of J...she calls that the train has just arrived at Andheri...will meet us at the rendezvous point in 5 minutes...we cool our heels, sweating buckets as it is sweltering hot and nothing like what December should be... we spy a florist and buy a bouquet of roses for the newly weds(later we realise that present were "compulsorily in blessings only")...

12:15 p.m.
After traipsing all over Vile Parle East as we had no clue where the venue was, we arrive at the venue....and head for the lift that will take us to the hall...
We are waiting for the lift to arrive, another guest also waiting for the lift get a call on her cell phone...and we are treated to a very good example of how people talk Marathi in English...or rather speak in Manglish...
Manglish speaking Guest: (speaking to someone on the phone) Hello, where are you, just now, I am outside the lift, just now (this is a literal translation of the Marathi line “Tumhi kuthe aahaat aata, me liftchya baaher aahe aata”) notice the use of “just now”.

J, N & I are stifling giggles.

The lift arrives and all of us get in and finally arrive at the hall, EL & S1 are already there and informs us that the newly-weds have gone off to change. We are asked to hit the buffet lunch.
We decline, as the truth maybe that we are interested in the food but decorum requires that we wish the newly-weds or at least wait for a sometime before we attack the food. The others proceed for lunch and soon we are surrounded by a group of people tucking into Puris, Veg. Kolhapuri and Basundi. J looks forlorn as she has not had breakfast and after a while gives in and hits the lunch table with much gusto. The photographers and video cameraman arrive to capture the lively scene of people eating food. This is something that I really don’t understand, why the wedding album is not complete without a dozen or so gross pictures of people eating food, the ones that make it to the final album are normally really horrid pictures with people with open mouths looking like fish about to gobble smaller fish.

The Newly-weds arrive and pose for pictures, R blushing more that his bride and we have a field day making him even more uncomfortable.

A, P, M & S2 arrive, Much to our amazement S2 heads straight for lunch counter...finally the rest of us also grab a bite.

All look at me and comment “You look different”...no one has the guts to spell it “You look ugly with your hair flying wildly all over the place”...EL is brave enough and comments, “you should have applied gel”...I retort ”Yeah and look like I have no hair on my head, I would rather go around looking wild like a savage than BALD”, you see I have very thin but wavy hair and even a drop of oil in it make me look bald so I avoid oil and gels of any kind like the plague...

1:00 p.m.
We finally go on stage to meet the newly-weds.
R introduces me to Mrs. R...
R: Meet Sen, she is P’s sister (my brother, R and R’s wife all worked together in the same company, R left it and joined our current company and my brother left it for further studies, R’s wife still works there)
Mrs. R: (Smiling) Oh!
Me: Hello, how are you ??( A nanosecond later I realise that this is a foolish question)
Me: (thinking aloud) what an idiot I am, what do I mean “how are you”...I mean to say “Congratulations”...

By now R & Mrs. R are laughing at me with much relish. You see, when I put my foot in my mouth, I ensure it goes all the way down my throat...I back track from the limelight and step straight on EL’s foot, poor thing stifled a scream as my three inch heel made contact with her foot.

After the mandatory picture is clicked, we make are way off the stage, me apologising profusely to EL all the time. We head straight for the lift, only to be told this lift is to be used only to come up and cannot be used to go down!!!...But the liftman was nowhere in sight, El and I decided that to come up the lift has to go down, and it will suffer no injury if we were in it on its downward journey, thus we took the lift and arrived on the ground floor. The rest of the gang had already collected there and are waiting for us, there were 10 of us we split as oldies in one car and young ones in the second car and headed to office.

I was travelling in P’s car, now P knows I hate Himesh Reshamiya and made sure that he played all Himesh songs on full blast, as he knew I jolly well could not jump out of the car. It is in this car amid the Himesh Reshamiya music, that my mind was contaminated by EL and P with the conspiracy theories ....