After Shocks!!!

The terror attacks are behind us but the political circus continues.....

1) RR Patil comments that such small incidents happens in big cities...the clown must have been watching Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jaayenge non-stop last week...nothing else will induce a man to say such a tacky dialogue out of that tacky film in context of an attack which has left the nation traumatised. Mr. Patil, wake up, there are more important things that a Dy. Chief Minister should be doing other than depriving hardworking bar girls of a livelihood and making such crass statements.

2) Moshe turns two, his grand parents and other relatives wants the Israeli government to issue a visa for the nanny who saved him, so that she can enter Israel, all of a sudden Israel is safer that India...

3) The Rat who also doubles up as our Chief Minister steps out of his house on Sunday for a picnic at the Taj with his actor son and Ram Gopal Verma in tow. Ram Gopal Verma, known for making "realistic" films no doubt joined in to collect "inputs" (sic) for his next film. Ritiesh Deshmukh(I hope this is how he spells his name, dont want to get numerology wrong) tagged along no doubt hoping for leading role (sic) in the film. If Mr. Verma makes the film and it turns out something on the lines of "RGV ki Aag" or whatever crap the name of the Sholay remake he made and names it something like "RGV ka Taj" all of India will want to turn fidayeen for a change and want to strangle him with our bare hands!!!

4) Kerala Chief Minister waltz into Bangalore to offer condolences at Slain NSG commando Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan residence, hoping for some free publicity. The brave Major's even braver father refuses to accept the condolences and ejected the former out of his house with a firm statement that no politican should enter his house. According to a TV report he told the Chief Minister "Get out of my house, you dogs". Hats off to you sir!!!

My father what goes!!!

This is a disease that seems to be endemic to the Indian Subcontinent. This refrain is almost like the national anthem these days...the chalta hai attitude...the one thing about this disease is that it affects the rich and the poor, the leaders and the followers in equal measures. It has come to the fore in the recent past against the gory background of the firings at various locations in Mumbai.

Let me recount some of the instances, most of the below relate to the media...but it is not meant to be a rant against the media....I have nothing against the media...but guys, how about some responsible journalism for a change!!!...

1) News channels hounding the freed hostages...I vividly recall, the Times Now reporters hounding a Polish National who has just been freed, the poor guy kept repeating politely "I have promised commissioner not to say anything" but the reporters persisted like a pack of dogs, throwing stupid questions at him, hoping he will say something ...anything...atleast Arnab (the guy sitting in studio) had the decency to look embarassed at the way his reporters were behaving, the reporters were all for anything goes, so long as we get a sound byte from him...then they would keep crowing about how they were the first to report it...

2) When they were not hounding the freed hostages the media was busy trying to get inside information from the police and army as to the next move...freely giving out strategic information...showing footage of our commandos landing on the rooftop...was this necessary ??? this was indeed incredible...and the worst part being that they were successful in getting this information most of the times...information that I am sure in other nations would be kept closely guarded till the operation is over....I mean what kind of idiot gives out information which is likely to be used by the terrorists...for instance read the following, this is one of the reporters of some channel, for the life of me I cannot remember the name (I went into shock when I heard what followed next), reporting live from the Oberio "We have just received information that the police have managed to move some of the hotel guests to a safer location...they have now been moved to the REGAL room!!!!"... I rest my case...if this is not a chalta hai attitude... nothing in this world qualifies for it!!!

3) VIPs who made their presence felt...by visiting the Taj and giving free sound bytes to the mediapersons whether or not the media was interested in listening to them...the kind of crap that they were saying made ones blood boil...in the first place VIPs should not come anywhere within a mile radius of the place...as it is the police were grappling with the terrorists...then these vultures descend there and the police have to ensure bandobast for them...infact I was hoping that the police and army would shove atleast one of them into the corridors of the Taj to experience the situation first hand and also as a warning to any other so called VIP who has the burning desire to make his presence felt...

We win again!!

Finally the Operation Cyclone at Taj comes to an end, with the TV channels showing a terrorist being shot whilst jumping out of a window, they continue to alternate this shot with the shot of the terrorist lying prone on the ground with one of his legs in the air, then they pan to the Army, police, NSG commandos shaking hands with one another...whilst in the background the Taj continues to burn...

Yesterday Oberoi Trident Hotel and Nariman House were secure again...but not before we lost some more innocent lives...commandos were air-dropped at the Nariman House to help secure the place...The Operation at the Taj continued... VIPs dropped by to give sound bytes to the media...Ratan Tata lamented about the sad state of infrastructure...When the Oberoi was cleared of the terrorists as many as a total of 30 hostages were found dead in the hotel raising the toll in the worst terrorist strike against India to over 160 including 16 security personnel. The toll at the Taj is still unclear...we will know the extent of the damage sometime later today...

The Mumbai Mirror carried front page news with a picture of the cocky terrorist walking at CST, carrying ammunition and guns as if he is walking in his backyard...when caught he “pleads" for the doctors to save him...such galling impunity...after killing scores and injuring many more and causing emotional trauma to the country...he wants to be saved!!!... Yes, Doctors...save him...he cannot die so easily...he ought to be dissected in public...a millimetre of his body cut at a time...his screams of agony should ring in every corner of the world...sending a strong message that India will not tolerate any more nonsense of any kind...I know this is gruesome thinking...but I can’t help it...this is my space...this is what I am feeling at the moment...anyone who wants non-violent methods can go elsewhere...

Since 1993 when we had the serial bomb blast we have been hearing of plans... plans and more plans...governments come and go...plans are made ...remain in blueprint...never to be actioned...the resilient spirit of the city tested time and again...serial bomb blasts in 1993, the city bounced back, bomb blasts in trains 2006 - the city bounced back, Terrorist firing the city...we have bounced back...but does this mean that the city bosses take advantage of us...when will we see better infrastructure...when will we see autonomy given to the police...what really gets to me is that the terrorists literally SAILED into Mumbai...such cheek...But the question remains will all this teach us a lesson ??

Krishna Ni Begane Baaro!

This devotional song in Kannada has been playing in my head all day today....

Krishna Ni Begane Baaro!
Begane Baaro, Nina Mukhavane tooro!

Loosely translated in English this means, Krishna please come fast... please come fast and show me your face...

Here the Lord Krishna's mother is calling her child to come to her fast, stop hiding and show his face. Given the scenario in our country, the context in which I would like to use this, is the one role played by Krishna in Mahabharata...he became "Saarathi" or charioteer to Arjuna and guided him when he lost his will to fight in the battle field. The need of the hour is a Krishna who will help is find our way in this battlefield at a time when we are slowly losing our will to fight in the face of the degeneracy of politics, apathy, rampant corruption...each one of us at the moment is like Arjuna who has lost his will to fight...we do not vote because we think "Oh, what is the point, we have to choose between two crooks, anyways!!!"...we do not stand up for our rights...just bow our heads and look the other way when we see something wrong. Gandhiji’s principles have been badly distorted out of context. I am sure he meant well when he said, “Hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil”...but the way things are progressing is taking it a bit too far!!!

Take what is happening in Mumbai at the moment...I have been following it closely on TV all day...this entire thing is like a badly made Bollywood potboiler...bad guys come by boat...take hostages in the poshest hotels...good cops die...governments silent, there was not a peep from the state government till sometime in the afternoon....news channel having a field day, disclosing all the strategic plans and giving a live telecast of what our police and commandos are doing and while they are at it reminding the viewer that "we got this information first"...the world shocked at the way things are being handled...England's Cricket team gets an excuse to rat it from the country after the Indian Team beat the crap out of them and they are citing "security reasons" whilst trying to cancel the rest of the tour...

The Chief Minister holds a press conference and sleep-walks his way through it mumbling something about there being no hostage situation, claiming that the people have just locked themselves into the rooms...all this when the news channels have been screaming themselves hoarse since last night that the terrorists have taken 40 foreign nationals hostage...then our PM comes on AIR around five in the evening...what in heaven’s name has he been doing all day!!!...this address should have come last night... latest by the early hours of morning!!!!...the address should have been something on the lines of boosting the sagging morale of not only our heroes (the army, police and NSG) who were fighting for our safety inspite of the loss of their chief officers, but also to the nation as a whole...but what do we get out of him...he goes on to condemn the attacks...some more incoherent mumbling about reforms on some crap policies....saluting our fallen heroes, stricter Anti-terrorism laws... but no talk as to what is he going to do next...the whole thing proceeded from him like he was talking about some blasts that have happened in another part of the world!!!

This is what is missing in us at the moment...the passion...but, I refuse to lose faith in the Indianess that is an unshakeable part of our mental make-up...one day or the other this Indianess which is hiding behind cowardice and apathy will come to the fore and I know in my heart that day is not far...it is in desperate times like this that a HERO emerges...This is why I say what we want now is not only a HERO but a "Saarathi" like Krishna... who will guide the HERO in the right direction... and lead India to her rightful place in the world scene!!!

Jai Hind!!!

Attack on Mumbai

10.15 p.m.
I was finishing up at work when I first heard about the attacks. A co-worker received a call informing him that his brother had been shot at in Colaba. It was not clear then how he got shot, speculation was rife then that maybe it was some gang war and innocent people are getting injured in the cross fire. As far as I know he worked at one of the poshest shops in the poshest hotel in town. He was not the kind to go walking in streets frequented by the gangland baddies. My colleague and I left the office both praying that his brother has received a mere flesh wound.

11.00 p.m.
I reached home and find my mom glued to the television, which was relaying the following news items:-
1) The Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus (CST) under attack.
2) The Taj Hotel under attack
3) The Oberoi Trident Hotel under attack
4) Cama Hospital under attack
5) A taxicab blow to bits in suburban Vile Parle
... the gory pictures splashed on all the news channels...Cameramen panning the entire area held hostage by the terrorists...TV Correspondents talking nineteen to a dozen

11.30 p.m. ish
As we watch, fresh developments take place...Terrorists hijack a police vehicle in a desperate attempt to escape from CST... when the van reaches the area teeming with the police and newspaper crews...the open fire at point blank...injuring many.

12.00 a.m.
Reports come in that there are two terrorists aged around 20-22 years (I am shocked and appalled, such young boys who should be in college, at the most spraying graffiti on the walls not spraying bullets into random strangers)... The terrorists walk in to the Oberoi Trident and ask all except foreigners to leave and take about 40 foreigners hostage. Five of the hostages escape and tell the media about these developments.

12.30 a.m.
My mind is still reeling from the shock as I try to go to sleep.

Today Morning

6.00 a.m.
My sister leaves for work (she supports the Singapore region, hence needs to be in office before 6.30 a.m.)

6.30 a.m.
My neighbour knocks on our door to inquire whether my sister has left for work, urging us not to send her to office since there are terror attacks on Mumbai. We inform her that she has already left...

7.30 a.m.
The newspaper arrives, "IT'S WAR ON MUMBAI" the headline screams
1) 8 places attacked,
2) 78 killed,
3) 900 injured,
4) Top police officers die in the firing
- Vijay Salaskar -Celebrated Encounter Specialist
- Hemant Karkare - Anti Terrorism Squad Chief
5) Disturbing photographs
- photographs of the two terrorists looking at the police and newspaper men,
- a gun wielding terrorist - the young man actually appears to be grinning,
- charred remains of the taxicab,
- a policeman giving water to a child that is covered in blood...

8.30 a.m.
I am still trying to work up the courage to switch on the television as I know that the images and news on TV will be far worse than what is reported in the newspapers. Finally I switch it on, the first image that appears is of the area under the dome of the Taj Mahal Hotel engulfed in flames, the Fire Brigade is trying to bring the inferno under control. Firing still continuing... National Security guards, Black Cat commandos called in and have taken up their positions...

9.00 a.m.
Some of the people who were trapped at the Taj Mahal Hotel freed and taken to safety...reports that the NSE and BSE to remain closed on account of the terror attacks...reports come in that the sea route was taken by the terrorist to get into Mumbai....

10.00 a.m.
This has set me thinking...is this a message...a crude joke by the terrorists...that whilst the Indian Navy is protecting ships in the Gulf of Aden our own waters and shores are not safe... the terrorists have calmly and brazenly sailed into the heart of our financial capital and taken the city to ransom...all I hope for is that this situation is over before the day is out!!!

More later...I have to get ready to go to office...this is my response to the terrorists, we Mumbaikars may be down but we will never be out!!!

Purani Jeans

Yesterday I met up with my college friends after ten years, before you start calculating my age based on the aforementioned ten years, let me clarify that I am thirty, graduated in 1998, I was put one year early to school you see, which means that I started kindergarten at the tender age of three and play school or nursery at two!!! In her defence my mom say, "you should not have been the hyperactive kid you were!!!" But I digress, now where were we, ah yes, the reunion!!

It began with an innocent call from this friend with whom I have not spoken to since we left college, we shall call her Pallavi (names have been changed to protect identity), we got talking, exchanges gossip, who married whom, who is still single(ready to mingle??), where is the rest of the gang, who is in touch...etc...etc..etc...

Then we rang off with the usual line “We must meet someday”... “yes sure, we must, lets meet next Sunday” responds your truly...the date is fixed and I hang up the phone knowing that this plan will never materialise next week... it will go up in smoke like such plans usually do...so it was a pleasant surprise when within five minutes another college friend whom we shall call Sagar (name changed to protect identity again) calls. “Hey Sen, it’s just seven thirty, why don’t we meet today ??”, now I am in a dilemma, thing is I have a curfew, you see...Cinderella’s godmother allowed her to enjoy the ball till 12 midnight but I need to be home by 10p.m....latest by 10.30p.m....but the joy of meeting old pals won and I set off...we decided to meet at a central location, Inorbit Mall, Malad, I reached half an hour before time so spent the time browsing through some books at Crossword, Do I see Sanjeev Kapoor quaking in his boots...Sanjeev, relax, I did not buy any more cook books..Your recipes are safe...for the time being that is!!!

Finally they arrived at nine, after the usual “you have put on so much weight,... but it looks good on you”..."you have greyed...but it adds character to your face” kind of remarks we settled down at Cafe Coffee Day,... and shared some more gossip, the kind that required more of a face to face kind of setting!!!

One thing led to another and soon we were calling the others in the gang who were still in Mumbai to see if they would like to join us...we called Kiran (name changed to protect identity)...he lives in the vicinity and said he would join us in fifteen minutes...then we called Jay (Name changed to protect identity again)...as luck would have it he too was in the same area... so by the time it was 10 p.m. all five of us had downed some good cappuccino, talked about old flames, new flames, fiancées, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, jobs, taking nineteen to a dozen and made future plans to continue with these meetings.

Even though each had changed over the years, I am glad to say that each being well settled in life, one is Account manager at an Insurance Major, another a well-known photographer, the third looking after the training and development needs of a Software giant, the fourth in the Pharmaceutical industry and yours truly in Finance. It was as if we have never been apart, the years just dissolved, we were back in college, sitting at our adda, bunking lectures, talking about Guptajis (this place has the best vadapavs in Mumbai), the canteen, the Khandar, the professors, how we celebrated birthdays, went on picnics, competed with each other to get better marks, our fights and patch-ups, facing the world and standing up for the other member of our “group”.

The memory of these few stolen moments with my friends will remain with me for a long time. The past is History, Future is a mystery and Today is a gift that is why it is called the Present. I have learnt that this Present, this precious time, is much too precious to be wasted; I really feel that I have lost ten years of my life by not keeping in touch with my friends. I should have reached out, talked to the people I care for sooner, I should have realised that it is not worth pandering your ego over a small misunderstanding which nearly ruined a great friendship!!!

But as Omi said in OSO, “Happys Endings, picture aabhi baaki hai mere dost”...All is well that ends well, we are back together and that is all that counts in the end!!!

Next we plan to meet at Jays’ wedding !!!

Yipiee...am I looking forward to it???...You bet I am !!!

Random Questions!!!

Listed below are a few questions that torment me no end...I will be eternally indebted to anyone who can give me a satisfactory answer...

1) How does the Share Market work?

Do I really understand what is happening in the market... or does anyone other the ones with insider information understand it, OK to some extent the effect of global cues I understand, for e.g.: If US markets sneeze the SENSEX gets a cold, but the rest is as clear in my mind as murky water...as far as I see it, it swings one way and the next moment it swings the other way...much like what Navjot Singh Sidhu famously said...'Pitches are like wives, you never know which way they will turn'... I say this applies to the markets as well...honestly, come on show me one person who has never made losses and only minted money off the share market and I will clean his toilet for a month!!!

2) What fuels the hell fire?

Now really the hell fires have been going forever and no one ever heard the Devil complaining about fuel shortage!!! If somehow we could locate where exactly hell is and what fuels the place...fuel crisis will be a thing of the past!!!

3) If and when I go to hell and I am put in boiling oil to pay for my sins, what happens once I am fried to a crisp?

Come on anything that is put in boiling oil, even if it is slow fried, it has to turn to crisp at some point or the other, have you ever thought what happens after that...are they then removed from the flame, put on a conveyor belt which takes them to the packing department to be resent to somewhere ??

4) What was there before the Big Bang?

First a little background courtesy http://www.big-bang-theory.com/

The Big Bang theory is an effort to explain what happened at the very beginning of our universe. Discoveries in astronomy and physics have shown beyond a reasonable doubt that our universe did in fact have a beginning. Prior to that moment there was nothing; during and after that moment there was something: our universe.

I am quite OK with the Big Bang theory as the start of the Universe, I am totally with it but what I am not OK with is that space or “nothing” as this theory postulates just cannot go BANG, there has to be something that went BANG, now that I have said it that there was something that went BANG, what I want to know is whether the thing that went BANG was the only thing in existence at that point of time or was it a part of something even bigger, which in turn was part of something bigger and so on...

5) Why is everything that is good for health, bitter, tasteless and utterly unappetising?

I mean, honestly WHY can’t chocolate, cheese, white bread, sugar, fried stuff etc, do wonders for your heart and help maintain a trim figure( It goes without saying that I would have the world best figure if this were the case), WHY does KARELA, DUDHI etc, the thought of which effectively kills your appetite have to be beneficial ??

6) Why is it that when I do a wrong thing the whole world is watching, but when I do it right there are no spectators?

This is something that I really want an answer for, honest, how many times have you found yourself in a situation where you did something foolish and felt “Oh God, let the earth open up and swallow me!!” you had half the city population ogling at you, but when you did a kind and noble and I-deserve-to-go-to-heaven kind of act there are no spectators!!!

7) Why does the mobile phone with the worst and loudest ringtone always go off at a no mobile zone?

This is really something that I have observed, if I have been fidgeting with the mobile phone and set a really sad wailing kind of ringtone, that very day for some reason or other I will happen to be visiting a place where cell phones are not allowed and a long lost friend who has never called in over two years or worse a person who has dialled a wrong number will call me and my phone will have found its way to the most inaccessible part of my handbag!!!

Zarra Hatke, Zarra Bachke, Yeh hai Bombay meri jaan!!!

This is going to be an unabashed account of living in Mumbai, I wear my heart on my sleeve where this city is concerned...I love Mumbai !!!

Ae dil hai mushkil, jeena yahan,
Zarra Hatke, Zarra Bachke, Yeh hai Bombay meri jaan!!!

Johnny Walker has immortalised Mumbai(erstwhile Bombay) with these lines...I just want to chronicle a few aspects of Mumbai as I have seen it over the years...

1) The pedestrian is king
Q) Why does a Mumbaikar cross the road?
A) To prove to the world and car-driving population in general that he is king.
Have you ever seen a hardcore Mumbaikar cross the road? He will choose a spot where the traffic is especially bad and step right in the middle of it and put his hand out, something similar to a politician acknowledging the teeming crowds at a rally during election time and stop the oncoming car, no matter that the driver has to step on the brake and come to a squealing stop. Dare the driver glare at the pedestrian, all he gets in return is the equally dirty look which means how dare you drive the car, can’t you see I am crossing the road!!!

2) The city never sleeps
This is true...No matter at what time of the day or night, come rain or shine, there are always people around, you never feel alone, I remember returning late after attending the Kala Ghoda Festival, at something like 12.30 am there was a traffic jam at Andheri station !!!

3) Roads are just dried out river-beds waiting for the monsoons
Roads, especially the lanes and by-lanes, are nothing but glorified dried-out river beds waiting for the monsoons to turn them into torrential rivers. As Jerry Pinto once commented in his article in the Times, when the cuckoo watches the Public Works Department workers scampering around to fill the potholes before the onset of the Monsoons it laughs so hard that it falls off the tree. The situation is so bad that this year an enterprising Radio Station ran a contest with the grand prize being a boat!!!...The participants had to prove that the water logging problem in their area was so bad that they have no way to access their homes except by boat. Not sure which area won, but I am absolutely outraged that mine did not!!!

4) Walls are meant to be used as spittoons
Walls (especially the staircase ones) are meant to be used as spittoons for expectorating after eating paan. I am sure the paan-eater thinks he is contributing to the beauty of the city's landscape by spitting strategically at the walls. Frescos Mumbai style I say!!! I read somewhere that the first impressions foreigners have after seeing the red paan stained walls is that there must be loads of people dying of tuberculosis.

5) Train friends, Bus friends, Building friends, Office friends, School Friends, College friends etc..
All these categories of friends are only possible in Mumbai. School friends and College friends are self-explanatory hence I will not elaborate on them. The next set of friends is office friends, the colleagues who work alongside you, people with whom you actually spend more waking hours than with your family members. In Mumbai commuting is a big challenge, on an average you spend about two hours a day commuting to office and back. If you take the same train or bus at the same time over year, you meet familiar faces, get to know them, their entire family histories and they know yours. Friends who are there for you when you having a rough day to offer a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to lean on. Friends who will save a seat for you if you come late, get worried and call you if you don’t turn up one day.

6) Life goes on...
No matter what happens the city bounces back!!! Come rains, bomb-blasts, riots or whatever is thrown at it, it is business as usual the next day. It is in a constant state of flux, the most enduring image of Mumbai is that of Churchgate station during peak hour, trains arriving every few minutes, scores of people getting in and out of trains, if that does not humble you, nothing will!!!

I could go on forever....

INS Vikrant

There was a chapter in our English text book on INS Vikrant and thus began my lifelong romance with her. Now a little history lesson for those who do not know this great ship, courtesy Wikipedia.

INS Vikrant (formerly the HMS Hercules (R49)) was a Majestic-class light aircraft carrier of the Indian Navy. Her keel was laid down on 12 November 1943 by Vickers-Armstrong on the Tyne and was launched on 22 September 1945.Completion work was carried out in Belfast but construction was suspended after the end of World War II and she was laid up for possible future use. Her pennant was changed from R11 to R49.

In January 1957 she was sold to India, and construction was completed at Harland and Wolff with an extensively modernized design, including an angled deck with steam catapults, a modified island, and many other improvements.

The Indian High commissioner to the United Kingdom, Vijayalakshmi Pandit, commissioned her as INS Vikrant on 4 March 1961, while she was still at Belfast, Northern Ireland. The name Vikrant was taken from Sanskrit vikrānta meaning "stepped beyond", i.e. "courageous", "victorious". Captain Pritam Singh was the first commanding officer of the carrier. She formally joined the Indian fleet at Bombay on 3 November 1961, when she was received at Ballard Pier by Prime Minister Jawaharlal Nehru and other high-ranking dignitaries.

The Vikrant's initial airwing consisted of British Hawker Sea Hawk fighter-bombers and a French Alize anti-submarine aircraft. On 18 May 1961 the first jet landed on board, piloted by Lieutenant (later Admiral) R H. Tahiliani.

In 1965 Pakistan claimed that it has sunk the Vikrant. At that time, however, the ship was under refit in dry dock.

During the 1971 war, the PNS Ghazi submarine which was sent to the Bay of Bengal to sink INS Vikrant itself sank off Visakhapatnam harbour. During the war the crew of Vikrant earned two Mahavir Chakras and 12 Vir Chakras.

Vikrant was India's only carrier for over twenty years, but by the early 1990s she was effectively out of service because of her poor condition. Even following major overhauls she was rarely put to sea. She was formally decommissioned on 31 January 1997 and is preserved as a floating museum at Mumbai. She is the only World War II-era British-built aircraft carrier to be preserved. The museum is open to public during the Navy Week celebrations every year and this year I am determined to pay a visit.

Wedding Bells!!!

Now that I have your undivided attention...I can relate my experience at the Muslim wedding I attended yesterday :))...

This was the first time that I attended a Muslim wedding, we were from the bride's side, you can say we are family friends, as my dad and brother treat our car as member of the family and the bride's father is and has been our family mechanic (car doctor) for as long as I remember.

The wedding was due to begin at seven, and unlike our weddings when there is a mad rush to get the marriage done and dusted and the bride and the groom tied to each other within the auspicious muhurtam (I remember attending one of my cousins' wedding and since the groom's side arrived late, there was a mad rush to complete the saat pheras within the auspicious time, it looked like a scene straight out of a comedy film), here everything was at a leisurely pace, but since we did not know this we reached there at seven on the dot so that we dont miss the nikaah which the invite specified would be at seven sharp after the namaz-e-maghrib.

When we reached the venue the groom had not yet arrived, about 30 minutes later the groom arrived complete with band baaja, there was much dancing going on, everyone in the baraat including the groom danced :)...the band was from Punjab and had Bhangra dancers, so managed to catch some authentic Bhangra which is a rare treat, the men dance so gracefully!!! The wedding began sometime after eight, and was a beautiful ceremony, except that the bride was nowhere on the scene throughout the wedding. She came only after the wedding was complete and the groom was declared a married man!!!

I assume it was a holy man who presided over the ceremony, he said many verses in Urdu and Farsi, some of which he made the groom repeat, then he called on all in the audience to join him in prayer for the bride and groom. He prayed to the heavens to shower graces on the newlyweds and bless them with a lifetime of happiness and prosperity.

As you all know by now, Garfield and I have one thing in common which is our love of FOOD, FOOD, FOOD!!! The food at the wedding was absolutely outstanding; every dish had a distinctive taste and was well made. The only part which I would have liked to change was the one where the bride's father followed us around and heaped food on my plate, and I had to sneak to a corner to hide from him so that he does not put any more stuff on the plate, else I would have exploded of over-eating. The food was of the variety "pet bhar gaya par dil nahi".

What touched me most about the wedding was that the family members went out of their way to make us feel comfortable; this is one experience that will linger in my memory to my last day!!!

Centre and the poverty line

Dear Mr. Prime Minister,

The last week has been an eye-opener of sorts; first of all I am positively above the poverty line and so is my bai (household help, superwoman, who single-handedly manages to keep many urban families together by taking on the “top work” thereby alleviating the mistress who can now go to work or catch her favourite midday television sob story).

I read in the newspaper last week that the Centre in an affidavit to the Supreme Court said that a person only needed to earn Rs.454.11 and Rs.327.56 in urban and rural areas respectively, to be classified as being above the poverty line. I decided to do a bit of investigative blogging for a change.

Now, my bai works in about 10 households and rakes in Rs.300 for every chore, for eg: she charges Rs.300 for swabbing the floor, another Rs.300 for washing clothes etc), on an average I believe she earns anything between Rs.3,500 to Rs.4,000 a month( I did not dare ask her the real number, for it would be a good excuse for sobbing about the inflation and asking for a pay rise, and yes, thanks to the news channels, and the extensive coverage , these days everyone is an expert on what the inflation is, where the stock market and the country as a whole is headed), now I know for a fact that she pays Rs.2,000 as rent for the “kholi” (which means room) in the slum that she lives in. That is 50% flat on rent, then to get a gas cylinder she has to shell out about Rs.340, given the sorry state of civic amenities in the slums if she falls ill that is Rs.100 on medicines, so she has Rs.1,560 to buy food, which is about Rs.52 a day, she is well above the poverty line!!!

OK, Mr Prime Minister, this is the case of a well off person comfortably over the poverty line, let’s talk about a person just on the poverty line or a border line case, say living in Mumbai and earning Rs.600 a month. Let us track his monthly expenses, we assume that this money should be sufficient to buy him “roti, kapda aur makan” , the basics, since he earns Rs.20 a day, the only food he will be able to afford in Mumbai is “vada pav” - the burger of the poor, this costs Rs.5 per vada pav so he spends Rs.10 straight on food, now that the roti issue has been sorted, the rest of the money should buy him clothes and a place to live, where in Mumbai will he get a room for Rs.10 a night ??

If you go to the market Mr. Prime Minister, which I am sure you do not, you will realise the Tomatoes are Rs.28 a kilo, potatoes are Rs.20 a kilo, onions are Rs.24 a kilo and every other self respecting vegetable is above Rs.30 a kilo. Fish and other non-vegetarian items are also crazily expensive.

My mother remembers when she got married and first arrived at her sasural she chided the fish monger for charging Rs.5 for three mackerels, she had told him “where well you keep all this ill-gotten money”... now we have to pay Rs.50 for three. Or for that matter, my grandfather bought all my mom’s wedding jewellery for Rs.3,500, given the rates today, I am sure in the near future it will be every above poverty line father’s dream that his daughter elopes...

Sincerely,
Sen

Stolen Tags :)

Ok guys, I also join the bandwagon.. let me know what you think of me ...and Yes, Scattered thoughts, I did not know how to and was too embarassed to ask :))

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. Something I have and YOU want?
4. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
5. Describe me in one word.
6. What was your first impression of me?
7. Do you still think that way about me now?
8. What reminds you of me?
9. If you could give me anything what would it be?
10. How well do you know me?
11. How do you see me in the future?
12. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn’t?
13. Are you going to post this in your blog and see what i say about you?

Latest in the string of culinary disasters

Ok guys just back from the kitchen and ready to regale you with this week’s culinary disaster (Pic attached). To begin with let me confess I am a weekend cook, thankfully for my family the rest of the week my mom is head chef. This way they gain enough energy over the week to stomach the sometimes divine, sometime not fit for dogs food that I dish out over the weekend.

The recipe on my radar for this week was "Rajasthani Panchmel Dal" straight off my cooking guru Sanjeev Kapoor's "Khazana of Indian Recipes" which I am sure if he reads this post he would wish that this was one treasure that was hidden from me...but alas, I discovered the book on my monthly trip to Crossword.

So I read the recipe, it seemed simple enough, easy-peasy and was confident that this one could not go wrong, but as you read further you will realise that events proved otherwise.

The recipe required five types of Dals, "Panchmel" you see, but there was just one type of dal at home so, I improvised.

The next step was to ...Wash green chillies, coriander leaves and peel ginger. Make a paste of ginger and green chillies. Chop coriander leaves. The washing bit I successfully completed, then messed up, I made a paste of coriander, green chillies and ginger and ended up with coriander chutney instead of the ginger and green chilly paste which was what the recipe required.

I was faced with the dilemma of throwing all that away and preparing the paste per requirement or improvise again, the lazy bum that I am, chose the easy way out and improvised.

The rest of the cooking was fairly satisfactory, but have no heart to call it "Rajasthani Panchmel Dal" any more, so have listed the recipe for "Mumbaiya Dal" instead. It turned out pretty edible. They have a valid point when they say "Necessity is the mother of invention" ...

Mumbaiya Dal

1 cup Tur Dal
3 medium Tomatoes
Ginger 1 inch piece
Dried Red Chillies 3
Green Chillies 2
Coriander leaves small bunch (part for paste and part for decoration)
cumin seeds 1 tsp
cloves 4-5
red chilly powder 1/2 tsp
coriander powder 1 tsp
cumin powder 1 tsp
turmeric powder 1/2 tsp
garam masala powder 1/2 tsp
Oil -2 tbsp
Asafoetida - a pinch
1 cup water
Salt to taste

Pressure cook the dal till soft. Keep aside.
Make a paste of the chillies, ginger and part of the coriander.
Heat oil, add asafoetida, cloves, cumin seeds and red chillies, fry for a while.
Add the chilly-ginger-coriander paste and fry till oil leaves the sides.
Now add the cumin powder, chilly powder and the coriander powder and fry again for sometime. Add the tomatoes and cook till the oil leaves the sides.
Add the cooked dal, water, turmeric powder, garam masala powder and salt and cook for a while. Add the coriander leaves and stir for a while.
Serve hot with rice or chapatis.
P.S. While waiting for the "oil to leave the sides" dont get your head too close to the pan, the frying process let off small jets of the material that is frying, a bit of it got in my eye and nearly blinded me!!!

Lemme know how you like this dal...Bon Appétit :)

Equal Opportunity Embarrasor!!!

Since I have embarrassed all and sundry by now, I think it is time to post a few of the bloopers I have made over time to try and make peace.. so here goes...

The first incident that comes to mind is of yours truly about six or seven year old. We speak a dialect of Malayalam at home which does not have a script so letters are invariably written in Kannada. My mum was born in Mangalore, Karnataka, but did part of her schooling there; the rest of her time in school and college was in Mumbai, so she is multi-lingual and can read and write four languages. I obviously did not know all this then and thought she only knew Kannada. My mum was busy writing letters to relatives in Kannada (These were the days when trunk call were terribly expensive and Internet was unheard of)...I stood watching her for a while and then commented maybe I should learn to read and write Kannada, to which she asked me why did that think that was necessary, to which I responded, when I get married and go away and want to write her a letter I would need to know Kannada, else how would she be able to READ!!!...P.S.-I know of this incident, as this has become a long standing joke in my familial circle and to redeem myself I did learn to read and write Kannada...

The second incident is me about thirteen years old, at that time power failures were relatively common in Mumbai. Once when there was a power failure in our area, we decided to go to the Juhu beach which is about a fifteen minute drive from our place. We dressed in a hurry and grabbed slippers and reached the beach in no time. I vividly recall, I was wearing a white top and a mango coloured skirt (this was brand new and I was very proud of it)....when we arrived at the beach I saw people staring at me...I attributed this attention to my lovely new skirt and basked in the glory for a while...we went to play in the water and removed the slippers which we kept in a heap, and stationed our parents as guards...when I came back to claim my slippers... no matter what I did I could find only one of the pair... of the other there seemed to be no sign...after a few minutes it dawned on me that all this while I had been wearing two different slippers!!!

The third incident I have already listed on Vins blog, this is for all those who came in late.. so here goes... this is hurled at me every time my aunts, uncles and cousins congregate... I was about eight years old then and answering the phone was a big passion...this person called when my dad was in the shower... what I wanted to convey to him was that my dad was having a bath and he should call later... it came out as mixture of hindi and english in these words... "woh abhi phone pe nahi aa sakte kyonki woh bath kar rehe hai"... and the guy goes, "theek hai mujhe bhi unke saath baat karna hai!!!!"...it was a saving grace that my mom came to my rescue...else I would surely tell him "aap apne ghar me bath karo !!!"

Ah, the Innocence of Childhood!

Now that I have successfully embarrassed my "old ancestors" now is the time to embarrass the siblings and assorted kids in my area!!!

The following incident highlights how advertisements influence kids!! I am really going to need Z category security after this as it related to my brother, and the stud that he is, this will not do his reputation of a chick magnet any good :)... the only reason I can chronicle this here is because he is saat samundar paar at the moment and by the time he comes back I have time to find my way back into his good books :)

Ok, so here goes, when we were kids, Hindustan Lever ran ads for the shampoo "Clinic Plus" where a girl shampooed her hair and when she walked her hair would sway and there was blue halo around her hair, my sister and I managed to convince my mother that we needed to have that shampoo and so the bottle was duly arranged. That evening we had shampooed our hair and all was well, except that my brother seems to have a perplexed expression on his face, he asked us to "please shake your head", we did as told, but still no go...after much cajoling he said, "In the ad the girl has a blue halo around her after shampooing her hair, you guys have been ripped off, no such thing around your head!!"...

The second one also has my brother in a starring role :), a big shoe giant had introduced a new kids line of shoes with some very catchy name (though I have forgotten it now, old age you see)...the advertisement had kids wearing the shoes and walking not only on the floor but on the wall and even the ceiling...my brother made a very careful case as to why he absolutely must have a pair of those particular shoes... the case was decided in his favour and a pair was arranged for him...I have no words to describe the depths of anguish felt by the poor child when he realised he had been ripped off and that the shoes only allowed him to walk on the floor and not on walls and ceilings!!!

Now it is time to embarrass the assorted kids...There is a tree right opposite my house and every summer it has tiny yellow flowers, which fall off the tree and there is a perpetual carpet of yellow flowers under the tree...now the kids in my area are connoisseurs, they will not pick the flowers that have fallen down, they will stand under the tree and wait for fresh flowers to fall and then run to catch it before it touches the ground, the way in which they catch the flowers makes for some interesting watching, given that the flowers are about half an inch in size, you would expect them stand like a fielder on the green with his eyes on the ball, ready to catch, but noooo, they have their hands spread wide apart like they are expecting a jackfruit to fall into their arms!!!

Technologically Challenged

Ok since I already let it slip that I am technologically challenged.. would like to share a few memories of what Bertram Wooster would call relating to the "old ancestors"or "old flesh and blood" who were/are similarly afflicted.

The first gem that comes to mind is relating to my grandmother (dad's mom)...the Television had just been introduced in our home and the whole neighbourhood used to congregate in the evening for the one hour or so telecast by Doordarshan(the good old days)... there used to be a program(still running on Local Marathi channel, I guess) called "Aamchi Maati, Aamchi Manasa". This program is basically for the farmer population and gives tips on farming and the like...when the credits roll at the start of the programme they show shots of green farms, flowers, fruit laden trees and happy farmers.... there is one specific shot which shows a mango tree laden with green mangoes or "kairi".... my granny watched the programme for a couple of months and one day commented... "Poor tree... the mangoes just don’t ripen on it!!" It took a great deal of explaining to get her round to understanding that it was just an image that is on TV...and that we are confident that fruit ripened on that tree and was duly eaten by all with much relish...

The second on that comes to mind relates to my uncle, "All Out" liquid mosquito repellent had just been introduced and the place where he lived was fairly infested by those critters so we bought him one of those machines, the same was duly sent to him but we forgot to send the liquid bottle to be fitted in to the machine... the next sunday we visited him and he was absolutely gaga over the machine... this, he said, is an invention to beat all inventions... according to him not one of those critters came anywhere near him since the machine was in his posession... we really had no heart to break the news on him that the machine was worthless without the liquid... this proves that mind controls what we feel :))

The third one relates to my dearest mom, I get my loathing for all things technological from her...it is hereditary honest!!!
This incident took place around the time cellphones were first introduced in our home and my mother happened to be holding one of the cellphones when it rang!!!
The look on her face was one of sheer terror as if a time bomb was in her hand and the countdown has reached the final sequence of 3, 2, 1..... :)

Near Death Experience

I seem to be tempting death every waking moment these days... first I enrol for driving lessons... then experiment with various recipes in the kitchen (both of these could result in homicide along with my death)... then lastly my body seems to have become an exceptionally good conductor of Electricity of late... I was operating the geyser (not the ones that abound in nature like the Old Faithful, which spouts jets of water every five minutes, the domestic variety that is used at home, for the connoisseurs of warm bath water)...

Now this monstrosity that is fitted in my house has three taps in all, one to let the water into the geyser, one to let it out of the geyser and the third one a normal tap which lets the water into the buckets. Now this third tap seems to hate me, for I have received shocks of varying intensities over time whenever I touch it with wet hands. We have had the tap checked plenty of times but same verdict, there is nothing anywhere near the tap which could be accounted for as a cause of these electric shocks, after the Electrician has left, I get a stern look from my parents which says "Don’t you have anything better to do with your time, use it fruitfully rather than cook up such a cock and bull story ?"... I don’t blame them; they never seem to ever have any problem with this... this tap!!!

The last of the series of electrifying experiences took place day before yesterday, normally, of late I am very vary of the tap and would not touch it with a barge pole...but in a unguarded moment I touched while trying to hang my cloth hair band on it... and what do you expect... BZZZZZT.... my hand was flying north like there is no tomorrow....after a mini war dance and checking to see whether all the fingers are intact and I still have sensation it that hand I calmed down... I need a few answers and I need them fast...
Q 1) Why is it that only I get zapped ??
Q2) Any suggestion on how to avoid this ??
(P.S. give up bathing does not count as a valid suggestion, I personally don’t mind, but as I have the utmost feeling for my fellow human being, this in the least I can do for them :p)

Travails of a Lady Driver

On a lighter note, I am learning to drive these days and the driving instructor is one hell of a philosopher...not sure how he ended up like that... maybe the hoards of "lady drivers" drove him towards thinking deeply on the very purpose of life on earth... he surely seems to have something against them...
He is like..."Lady driveroko jaldi padi reheti hai, kahan se bhi kahin pe nikal jaati hai" ... yeah right, like men never commit accidents and all the accidents on the roads are thanks to "lady drivers"...which planet is he from I wonder...
Ok, to begin with I must confess, I did not begin the training on a very positive note... as am a directionally challenged person... I say I want to go left when I take a right turn (In my defence, I would like to state that, in my mind I mean right, but my stubborn tongue, chooses to say otherwise)... so he goes "yeh, aapke left hai ?"... I assume suitably conversational tones and say "Kya maine left kahan ??, main right bolna chahati thi "... poor thing just shakes his head as if he knew this was coming...
Then there are the occasional "Aunty ko bachao"... "Uncle ko bachate chalo"..."Agar unko zarra sa bhi touch kar diya toh, woh yeh nahi sochenge, ke bacchi hai, gaadi chalana seekh rahi hai , maaf kar dete hai...wohi khade, khade maarege!!!"... now this does not do wonders to my already battered confidence...
Then there is the philosophical advice..." Peeche wala horn marta hai to marrane do... tum dhyan mat do(wow, I love this)... woh apne baare mein soch ke horn maar raha hai, tum apne baare socho..."...this is some advice I would like to apply in real life...
Add to it my personal nightmare which I will also admit to....when I want to take a right turn that will take me across the road and there is a bus approaching just then, my blood freezes and I imagine myself in car, crushed under the wheel and the people clicking their tongue and saying..."bechara bus driver, "lady driver" ke wajah se accident ho gaya !!!"

Senorita's Theory of Relativity

This is on popular demand, Yes, Scrawler I did say I was suffering from writers block, but I stand by everything my thoery propounds, below I have jotted down my theory for the benefit of those who have not read Scrawlers & Vins blog.


I would go for

M = S F squared

where, M implies Mistakes that are eternal

S implies Sacrifices and

F implies Forgiveness

This theory works very well in all relationships where Love manages to find a foothold. Mistakes are the eternal, the omnipotent; the ever stable life force. Sacrifice the medium, the constant; it was, it is and it will be. Forgiveness is the multiplier factor, the more one forgives, the more Mistakes one makes by giving the other control over self. With Sacrifice being in a perpetual state of who-knows-the-beginning and who-knows-the-end in every relationship, Mistakes are growing or diminishing in much the same measure as does Forgiveness! As long as a single entity wishes to be in a relationship and thrive, it must do so collectively in the absolute sense, thereby maintaining the Universal Equilibrium!