Worst Meals

We had a team lunch today and somehow the discussion went onto the topic of the worst food/ culinary experiences we have faced.

The first one to share her experience was Z, it relates to the time she was just learning how to cook. One day after labouring in the kitchen for hours, she presented the burnt hideous looking mess to her parents for tasting.

She asked her dad, "Do you think I need to put anything else, to enhance the taste?". 

Her Dad replied, "I think you should put this dish in the dustbin, where it belongs!"

The next one pertains to my cousin, at that time she was newly married and had invited us to visit her at her new home. We arrived and after the grand tour of her beautiful home, she said, she had a treat for us as she had personally baked a Bread Pudding. We trooped into the kitchen and to be honest the pudding looked so inviting, that all of us literally fought for the biggest piece. My brother got the biggest piece and was gloating over his windfall... that is until the first spoonful went into his mouth. The expression on his face was priceless, If only I had a camera and could capture the expression on his face. Bread Pudding as we all know is made with bread, eggs, milk and vanilla essence. I think she forgot the vanilla essence, for the pudding tasted only of runny eggs and an eggy taste in anything can kill your hunger pangs in less than a few milliseconds. How we shoved the pudding down our throats can actually provide fodder for another post. After that all invitations for dinner/ lunch at her place were politely shot down for a few years.

The final one was again shared by Z, it relates to her aunt, who is the worst cook imaginable (I'm wondering if the bad cook streak runs in the family), and when she cooks non-vegetarian food, it is safest to declare "Oh, too bad, I'm so sorry, but I'm vegetarian today" or better still "I'm fasting". Hehe, the perks of being a Hindu and having 33 crore gods to choose from, you can pick any day to fast or  be a vegetarian. 

Anyway I digress, So one day they were at her aunt's place and she served a very dodgy looking and a 1000 times worse tasting fish. They nibbled at it for a while and her sister decided that some action needs to be taken. She asked her aunt if she could have some salt and the minute her aunt had left the room to fetch the Salt Shaker from the kitchen, she picked the fish and flung it straight out the OPEN WINDOW. When asked later "What if the fish had hit a passerby?" she replied that she found the idea of facing an irate passerby hit by the flying fish far more tolerable than forcing that monstrosity on her taste buds.

Chicken Soup for the constipated soul!!!

This piece is dedicated to the street foods of India. Finally, today my team succeeded in going for an outing which we have been planning and postponing for months. We went to Galleria for chaat, while we were waiting for the pani puri and dahi puri to arrive we started discussing the various street foods that can be had. What followed was a deep and insightful conversation around the taste and how it varied according to the proximity of the stall to unhygienic surroundings. All agreed that the closer the stall was to a dustbin or the lousier the personal hygiene of the vendor…the better the taste. Most of these foods are guaranteed to give your innards and you the much needed exercise as you run to and fro to the loo, a sure shot remedy for constipation …I might as well go down in history for coining the phrase “Chicken Soup for the constipated soul”!!!

A is a firm believer that the best non-vegetarian food at Mohemmad Ali Road is at the stall closest to the dustbins…The bigger the dustbin, the bigger the crowds at the stall. A normally cruises down the road and pick the stall which has the aforementioned qualities and attacks the food, satisfaction is guranteed!!!

S2 swears by the puchka at Lake Gardens of South Calcutta, the stall can be found just on top of the drains or manhole covers, usually the vendor is sweating profusely, adding to the Sodium Chloride content of the liquid filling. The fillings of the puchkas are made a special mixture of boiled potatoes with a fine blends of masalas, a liberal helping of the aforementioned and other tame garam masalas.,.S2 swears that you get addicted to a particular stall…I am thinking it is on account of the sodium chloride contributed by the vendor…

S1 is a fan of the chaat served between two gutters in his locality, one of the gutter is used as an open air urinal by the vendor, whether he washes his hands is best left unsaid. But, according to S1 this guy manages to sell Rs.5,000 worth of stuff between 3.30 p.m. to 8.30 p.m. daily. S1 also patronises as few stall at Khau Galli in Bhuleshwar, all the stalls or bakadas as they are called are over and between the numerous drains that criss-cross the city.

M remembers the Masala Puri she had when she visited down south, one morsel was enough to set your soul and mouth on fire, she remembers tears streaming down her face as she ate the rest of the dish (good girl that she is, wasting food does not go down well with her) …what happened the day after is better left unsaid!!! She also remembers the Pav Bhaji she ate at a proper restaurant after paying an exorbitant price; the same was served with sweet buns!!!

I remember being adventurous and trying the Bhel Puri down south, the same was served with all the possible sprouts, channas and without any chutneys!!!, I am sure all these health conscious chefs who go about selling low-fat Bhel Puri flicked the recipe from this particular stall!!!

You guys are welcome to add your own experiences with these soul foods!!!