As a decent time has now elapsed since this incident it is quite safe to place the facts before my public. This took place in Boston, whilst I was holidaying in the US. When it was nearing the time to pack my bags to return to India, my host (we shall call her Akka throughout the remainder of the post) used to leave the house every morning with the following instructions ”Go out and see the place if you must, but please don’t BUY anything, your mum will ban me from entering your house in India”. I really had shopped so much that I had to sit on the suitcases to zip them close. I’ll have you know that I purchased a few bags and shoes, my only hinderance from buying a few more and better brands was my meagre supply of USD, at my salary there is only so much that I can afford, sniff, sniff.
All that I'm about to type is sach and 100% sach ke siwa kuch nahi milord!!!
Akka and I were out shopping for sunglasses. As a rule I abhor sunglasses, in the past sunglasses + my eyes = horrible-case-of-stye-which-lasted-a-painful-month, conversely I avoid sunglasses like the plague. I will have you know that I have a long list of allergies, for e.g: I'm allergic to papayas, they too give me styes, then there are few funny allergies like the allergies to groups of insects, my nose itches like itching were going out of fashion and the other funny allergy being this sunglasses allergy. Don't for a moment think that I must have owned chalu quality sunglasses (I was born a brand horse) and have only ever owned the best brands of sunglasses, but every time I went out in the hot sun with the glasses on, the very next day my eyes puffed up and lo and behold I had a bad case of eye infection. If you have been a regular follower of this blog you'll know that this year has been all about busting taboos that I've lived by, so I decided that maybe, just maybe this sunglasses allergy was something of a coincidence and nothing else.
I had made it known to all and sundry that I planned on buying a pair of sunglasses and the experts at buying sunglasses condescended on me to help me pick out the right pair. I told them my sob story of how in addition to giving me eye infection the said sunglasses would not stay propped up on my head, like the ones worn by the stylish ladies in them fashion magazines, you know, the ones with huge logos down the side that hold back the lady’s beautiful tresses. In most cases the sunglasses was used more like an expensive HAIRBAND, but who was I to complain. In my case the minute I tried to prop them on my head they slipped, I got a big head, before you start commenting on the amount of brain matter I possess, I would like to state that there may be something in what my detractors call me “Swollen Head”, but I digress.
I told them of my modus operandi while buying sunglasses:
1) Enter shop
2) Try on a few branded sunglasses
3) Zoom in on a pair that has a sensible frame, offering maximum eye coverage, UV protection, etc
4) Pay and leave
And I had the experts, shaking their heads and saying to one another “Aah, that’s where you are going wrong, love, you got the wrong technique”. I was appalled, “Wrong Technique”, hoping for enlightenment I looked at them earnestly and the Gods relented.
The correct technique to buying sunglasses according to them was as follows:
1) Enter shop
2) Try the sunglasses on the top of your head
3) Zoom in on a pair which fitted your cranium perfectly while maximising exposure to the brand logo running down the length of the frame.
4) Pay and Leave
5) P.S. Eye Coverage and UV protection were things the makers of the sunglasses worried about and not something I needed to worry my pretty head with...
With this crash course on how-to-shop-for-sunglasses in my kitty, I entered Sunglass Hut and began trying on the sunglasses with gusto, all this while Akka was busy trying to pretend she wasn’t with me. This charade went on for a while and the shop attendant who was a mute spectator all along decided she just had to step in to help this poor desi who didn’t know how to buy sunglasses. She drawled “Sweetheart, you try the sunglasses on your eyes and not on your head” and Akka almost passed out laughing.
FYI, I bought a pair of sunglasses and happy to announce, been using them for the past six months and have remained stye free.
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